fifteenth cycling trip

Today they forbid me to meet you. Even though you were close to me, almost within reach, I could have even touched you, but they rebuked me that I mustn’t even try. What were they so afraid of? That I jump on you and bite you? Two people held me down on both sides, and even though there were no chains on me, with scanning eyes they watched my every move. Therefore, I could only watch you longingly, although they strongly forbid me even to have a look at you. But I couldn’t get my eyes off you, I didn’t even care what kind of punishment I would get; I felt that there was no pain I couldn’t bear for you. You see? You see!

forteenth cycling trip

The chief of the security service visited me today and ordered me to tell him all about my life. He wanted to know every single detail. Who I am, where I was born, where I have lived so far, who my parents are, how many siblings I have, who were my friends, what I think and what I believe, if I believe in anything at all. But I just kept silent. I couldn’t tell him that while I don’t even know my own name, I remember not only my previous life, but also everything from my next life. I remember when I first saw you, and I also know that we are going to spend a lot more time together. I remember your first embrace and your last kiss as well. I hear your heart beating. I feel your everything in my palm. I just looked at him and remained silent. I knew it wasn’t you who sent him, you couldn’t have sent him, because you also know everything about me.

thirteenth cycling trip

As we were rattling down the slope, there was a pothole on the road that I, of course, didn’t notice. We fell down anyway, but had you not grabbed my hand and swerved, I would have driven in it for sure, and I would have broken our necks.

twelfth cycling trip

Again I hear my voice. Again my mouth speaks. Again I have a tongue. Again I speak to you. Again I know it's you. Even though all day all I’ve done is lie down-hearted because I haven’t seen you for an immemorial time. The line of complainants haven’t waned though, they kept coming one after another with an unflagging zeal, and I patiently but grimly listened to them and just nodded. But most of all I shook my head in horror over what the world had become. When they left, Safet stepped out from behind the curtains, he brought a bicycle in his hands, he looked at me, but didn’t ask anything. I didn’t ask him anything either of where he had found it, I know he always gets what I need. I got on it, found you, took you by the hand, seated you on the handle-bar, and escaped with you from among the walls. I’d love the most to be with you always, but I rarely have the opportunity: the looks keep me in custody, everywhere secret servants chase after my secret. Actually, those who were my servants have now become my guards. I had to pedal for a long time to make you safe, to know that no-one was following, and that no-one recognizes us. I rode across the market in full speed and I didn’t stop until the edge of the city. In the meantime, you hugged me and kept continuously whispering in my ear “tickle tickletickle tickletickle, I adore you”. Again I hear my voice. Again my mouth speaks. Again I have a tongue. Again I speak to you. Again, I know it's you.

eleventh cycling trip

I waited for you in the bath today. Much time had passed, but I didn’t get bored admiring the decorative tiles, while I was enjoying the embraces of the steam. I've never seen anything so beautiful. I shivered when I felt your naked body touching me from the back; from the water splashing I didn’t hear you coming, so your caressing came suddenly, once again you surprised me. I turned around, I caught you, and selfishly I began stroking my breast with your penis. A few times I ran my hand over its entire length. Then I squatted on you, directly over your stiffening body. Slowly I let myself in your stiff dick, which dived into me up to its hilt, and I started moving slowly, rhythmically over you. You grabbed my ass, and led my movements. I leaned back and let you penetrate as much as possible into my hot, throbbing and, from the excitement, slippery vagina. You were really good at it. While you looked deep into my eyes, you started slowly and endlessly to push and pull your dick, that filled me completely. It was really nice to feel your hard penis moving in me. In particular, it was a pleasant feeling that all along you looked into my eyes, and eagerly watched my reactions to the various movements. I was on the verge of unconsciousness. I felt that you could not hold yourself back either and you penetrated me with full force again, and then the next moment you tensed and exploded into me. You gave me a few shoves, and I lost control, and had a tremendous orgasm. I narrowed on you so much so that I thought you would never be set free from my grasp.

tenth nano-cycling

I must confess to you, because I realized. We have met once already in time. Whether it was in the past or the future, I don’t know exactly. In a bath (Turkish bath), I see that already, just the two of us, no one but us. Both of us naked. Only you can tell, so I remain silent. But even now I’m trembling all over when I think of you.

ninth cycling trip

It’s been three days since I remained without words. I don’t know what to say, I just stare in front of me, and remain silent. It was enough to look into your eyes to recognize you, and I knew that when you saw my face, you recognized me, too. I know you know who I am, and I also know who you are.

eighth cycling trip

Today I didn’t speak. I didn’t say a word to anyone. Not even a voice came out of my throat. Though I could have spoken, there were people to whom I could, everyone was there twittering around me. But I just kept silent. I didn’t need words, because I knew that even without them you hear what I want to say. I just listened to the silence. Sometimes I heard you talking to me. I saw you in my eyes. I looked in front of me, and although nothing happened, I smiled. I only stuck out the tip of my tongue from time to time, to feel the taste of your tongue on it.

seventh cycling trip

Let's get it over with, I tell Safet. Even though I don’t feel like it at all. In a huge chamber there are at least a hundred girls. I see some that I already know among them. Ones I have slept with once, ones I have slept with several times, ones who have been waiting their turn for a while, and ones who are here for the first time now. Everyone is hoping, hoping that I will choose them. Safet doesn’t say a word, no-one does, everyone is looking down. The air is at a standstill in the silence. They really bought well, I notice; I could be choosing for a while. I would choose, but then one of the girls does something that no-one has yet dared to do. She lifts her head and looks into my eyes.

sixth cycling trip

It’s Safet again. He just won’t leave me alone. He is the only one in the harem for whom my door is always open. And he is the one who doesn’t carry out my instructions. But I can’t be angry with him. And again, he tells me that new ladies have been brought to the harem, and the women are just waiting for me cast a glance at them. And there is something in Safet’s expression which makes me obey him. Me obeying him, and not he obeying me. All right, I say, but I need a little more time. To get one more whiff of silence.

fifth cycling trip

I was taken to a huge chamber. At least a hundred other girls were there, the one more beautiful than the next. So I didn’t understand why I was there among them. They said that this would be a special moment, and that if I was lucky I could be the chosen one for the evening, and that if I did well, then it might be for more than just one night. But no-one said what the special moment, the luck, the fact of being chosen, of doing well, the other nights cover. I had time to think, because we just stood there mutely, and nothing happened. The silence was frightening, and in the bright sunlight that was coming in, a tiny little bug panted through the chamber. I thought about how I would gladly fly away with it to the end of the world.

forth cycling trip

Safet disturbs my silence. He informs me that more ladies were brought in, and that if I wanted to I could already visit them in the evening. I don’t want to, I tell him. I want to be alone. I just want to sit, finally in silence, and stare ahead. I want neither the short, nor the high, nor the fat, nor the thin, nor the one with the big breasts, nor the one with the small breasts, nor the one with the wide hips, nor the slender, nor the black one nor the red one. Well, doesn’t anyone understand that I just want solitude? That I want to be left in peace? That all I want is him?

third cycling trip

They said I have to be beautiful. And desirable. Because if I am beautiful and desirable, then something extraordinary will happen to me. And they looked at my skin. They caressed it. They nodded in satisfaction. All four of them. They led me to the bath, it was no use protesting that I can wash myself, and that I'm shy, and that they shouldn’t be looking at my body. They said that everything they do is in my best interest. And that it will be good for me. I decided to let myself, to submit to the will of the four women, so maybe that way I’d find out sooner where I am, why I am here. I resigned to let them wash me clean. New people came, men, they lay me on my stomach and began to massage me gently. And this time I didn’t protest, I knew that despite all efforts, it will be as they want. Just that I still didn’t know what they wanted. No hair was left on me, they removed every fluff from me. Only my eyelashes and eyebrows survived. Nail painting followed, then another woman put cream on my body. I’ve never smelt such sweet odors. While they were combing my hair, I expected, more and more excitedly, what will happen to me next. And why me? After all, it could happen to anyone.

second cycling trip

I've had enough. I'm tired of never being allowed to do what I want. What I want, and when I want it. All kinds of prescriptions, rules, and I hate it. They never even leave me alone. Yet how many times I want to be alone. And the silence is so good right now. No-one anywhere. I busted everyone around me. Do not feed me, do not bathe me, do not put perfume on me, do not dress me up. How many times have I cursed the moment that I am who I am. But how many people are envious of me, how many people would like to be in my place. But now it’s good. Loneliness is good now. Silence is good. It’s good that I'm alone. I need this. I need you.

first cycling trip

I don’t even know where I am. Everywhere I look, it’s all glitter, gold, huge chambers, sweet smells and bars. And silence. Silence reigns the mysterious chambers, the mysterious palace. They only said that from today on, there will be order in my life. No confusion, no chaos, no improvisation. Everything has its place, everything has its time. And I will find out everything in time. It’s just that they still don’t know that I don’t like to wait. I want to know everything. Now. This instance. I want to know where I am, I want to know why; I want to know, it's that simple. But there is no-one near me. There is no-one who would respond.

fourteenth cycling trip

Won’t you?

I want you.

thirteenth cycling trip

The Doctor visited me, and said that there is no Zoli the Turk, that he doesn’t exist, that I shouldn’t believe in him. Or if I think that he still does, I should prove his existence, and that he loves me. I was thinking, but I found no evidence. The Doctor calmed down, he said to take my pills, and then went away and left me alone. I sat speechless for a long time, and I cried unceasingly. I thought, there was no sadness in the world that didn’t fall upon me in an instant. Until the evening I didn’t even light the fire, I was sitting in the cold room without a light until it got dark. Then there was a knock at the window, I stuck my head out, and as I looked into Zoli’s eyes, I knew there is no need for proof.

twelfth cycling trip

All day today I was scratching his door asking him to let me in, but he didn’t even respond. The windows were dark, but I knew if someone was in there, they could hear my voice. For a moment I thought the whole thing wasn’t true, that I only imagined it, but I didn’t believe it because I couldn’t believe it.

eleventh cycling trip

As the memories are coming back, many things occur to me. Among other things, the memory that once I had someone whom I lost. I also remembered that I have a husband who is that man. Once this man opened the door and walked in on us, you were just lying on me and panting loudly. But it seems that the world doesn’t only cease to be for us then, but the reverse is also true because the way my husband came in and walked out of the room was as if the two of us were not even there. But I know that you were there, you put your hat on the chair, lifted my skirt to my neck, and I came from the mere thought of you penetrating me.

tenth cycling trip

When I woke up and they asked me what my name was, allegedly I said, "Sultan, Sultan the Turk". They told me other things too, beautiful and less beautiful. I peeped under the sheet, I saw wounds on my body, and my skin became several years older. They asked me other things too, but I didn’t remember anything. Later a man came to me, he just said: if you go, don’t you come home anymore”.